She then told me that she's known for a while that I have autistic tendencies (more specifically, what could be Asperger's Syndrome, a high-tendency level of autism) but she never wanted to make a big deal of it because she didn't want to label me. Fair enough. But I am glad she told me this, because now it is so clear. I finally know why I do the things I do, and think the things I think.
Here's a list of Asperger's Syndrome symptoms I've gathered that apply to me:
- dramatic transitions from one phase to another
- overnight or instant development of intense and specialised interests - if I am interested in something, I will study it intensely and become almost a walking encyclopedia on the topic
- above-average intelligence
- difficulties in empathising with others
- difficulties when it comes to social situations
- finding it hard to control negative emotions (e.g. anger, depression, anxiety)
- poor development of motor skills - also, I need to have the simplest and most obvious things explained to me in specific and detailed instructions
- preferring routine and getting flustered if things don't go as planned
- thinking visually
- "disconnecting" and going off into my own little world
- extreme anxiety
Now it's time to get an official diagnosis. Not sure how to go about doing that, but it's something I need to do so I can gain a better understanding of... well, of my brain and how it works, I guess. People have always distanced themselves from me or have written me off as weird.
I just don't like how people call it a disability, though. I am perfectly happy with how I am and I feel that despite the whole social side of it all and being incredibly insecure when I'm out in public by myself, it is really an advantage... or a gift, so to speak.
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My brother and I are slightly autistic, with aspergers. We say the wrong things to people sometimes and don't realize what we said wrong. I also have a fear of socializing with people or going anywhere...I almost have panic attacks. We both suffer depression and have major freak outs...we once were on lexapro and seriously had such violent outbursts....that medicine did not work for us. Basically almost all of the things you have listed here apply to us as well. It isn't a bad thing; I kind of can control my emotions and the way I talk by studying how other people are. There is a movie called "Adam," about a guy with Asperger's. It is a good movie.
ReplyDeleteI think it's amazing in a way.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's right to call it a disability because it doesn't seem to hinder you in any way (and from some of the 'symptoms' it would seem that they do the complete opposite - HELLO, I'D LOVE TO BE A WALKING ENCYCLOPAEDIA ON ALL MY UNI UNITS xD)
And if you're happy with it, then I don't see what's wrong with it at all ! <3
@ ShaylaF
ReplyDeleteThanks for telling me, I love hearing from other Aspies. I fear socialising with strangers - I'm fine when it comes to people I know. Sometimes, if I have to make a phone call to a company to even book a train ticket or something, I get my boyfriend or someone else to do it for me. Sometimes I might even script what I will say in a phone call... I'll write out the whole, "Hello, my name is Kim and I'm calling to book a train ticket on...." on a piece of paper and read it out.
I'm a bit worried about tomorrow, too. I have to deliver an oral presentation in Indonesian and when I do that, I break out in hives and totally freak out. I feel like I'm going to faint when I'm doing it and my mind goes blank to the point that sometimes what I say is just incomprehensible mumble jumble.
@ Melody
Aw, thanks Melody. I guess I have to be happy with it though because it can't be treated, there's no medication and it's not going anywhere. It has its advantages and it has its downsides, too. I've never understood other people... Who autistic people refer to as "neurotypicals". The ones who aren't autistic. Sometimes I want to be like one, be "normal" and be able to think like a "normal" person but it just don't happen.
<3
I took this test after downloading it from the app store on itunes. My results were normal, my friend, well hers were positive...which in a way explains some things about her behaviors. Very useful tool and quiz.
ReplyDelete